Delusions Difficulty

This morning Pete wanted to get up at 6:30 am. He wanted to shave and get ready to leave on a flight to Syracuse to take care of his father’s property. He said he had to meet with a lawyer. This was clearly a delusion as his father has been gone since 1990 and there is no property or plan to go to Syracuse.

The aide, Latrice, was informed about where his thoughts were and she seemed comfortable with the knowledge that Pete was experiencing mild dementia. When he said he had to call the lawyer she said she already called him. Later in the day he remembered this episode. I don’t know a lot about dementia so that is my next topic to explore. Sometimes these things make me weepy as I come face to face with his decline and realize that his problems are indeed my problems. I need to be able to cope with the uncertainty and decline he has due to age at 80 years old and having Parkinson’s Disease.

Tonight we watch TV until 10 pm and athough he did not appear sleepy, I knew it was a mistake to let him stay up past 9. When he went to get up he needed a quarter turn to get into the wheelchair. Well, he immediately started to say he had to sit down while he stood all bent over. I told him to stand up and turn his feet and suddenly he started yelling. he wanted to sit in the wheelchair without turning so then he really would fall crookedly. Being he could get hurt, I was holding him like I always do but he kinda scared me and I guided him into the chair without turning him. He was rattled and so was I. I felt really bad like I do every time he gets like this. I wondered if it is what is called Sundowning. People with dementia experience this when their circadium rhythms are disrupted, which clearly his was.

I pushed him into the bedroom but pretty much let him know I was not happy and was not going to help him if he was going to yell at me. I asked why he always seems to yell at me at bedtime. He apologized.

Of course deep down inside I know it is the disease talking and not my sweet and loving husband of 20 years. I did give him a rather perfunctury kiss goodnight, help him with his cpap mask, bedsheet and lifting his feet. From now on I will work harder at keeping our bedtime schedule.

There but for the Grace of God go I.